“Searching for Home” - 100x100cm - Acrylic Paint on Canvas

“‘Home’ for me is a really challenging concept right now. [...] I feel estranged from my country of birth, and at the same time, not at home in Berlin. On a surface level, I feel like I am floating along, buffeted by winds, with no anchor. When I think of what home means for me, I realise deeply what I miss, and how important a sense of home is for wellbeing. It is the sense of calm and safety. Of being understood and not judged. Of those moments of peace in feeling part of something meaningful. Loving and being loved back.

When I think back, my most deeply happy times have involved a sense of home. Either visiting family during easier times. The routine of certain holiday celebrations. Sitting down to dinner together. Listening to music with friends. Scotland. Or lake swimming. Some smells speak of home, like Chanel number 5. There are physical reminders too, like returning home after some time away, and sinking into my bed. A familiar space to sleep and momentarily feel safe again. 

Home feels like an absent concept. And in its absence, I feel grief for what has been lost, and might not be recovered.”